Week 3 Color Commentary

It's Week 3, kids! Crazy happenings around the league this year. Our fantasy world has been turned on its head!

- Perpetual underdogs GRAHAM and JEN are the lone undefeated teams. Jen has done it the right way, leading the league in points.

- Champion ROB is at the bottom of the standings in points scored ...and at the top of the league in transactions. Dropping 3 more players I've never heard of prior to this week's waiver deadline, he's still fighting.

- Traditional contenders OT and MAUGER are the winless squads. However, in a league where 6-7 teams often make the playoffs, no team is out of it.

- And upholding what seems like an annual tradition, no one puts up any points on Steph. Facing an average of just 69 points/week, she continues to intimidate all comers.

AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Justin Bieber Award for Being So Beautiful That I Want to Cut His Skin Off and Wear it Like in that Red Dragon Movie

Holy Shit! The winner is me! 143 points in Week 3 gives us our single best performance of the season. How did AC do it?

- No starting RB's. Hightower only gets me 4.5pts although Tomlinson has finally eclipsed Shonn Greene as the Jets go-to back.

- Always draft a Tight End early. Gates is going to be an absolute beast again this year.

- Benching my 2nd, 3rd, and 5th round draft picks!

- Austin FRIGGEN Collie throws up 36 to become the top WR in the league. Not bad for a 10th rounder!

The Rihanna Award for... OK, This One Isn't Funny Anymore

This award for smacking around one's opponent should rightly go to me, but I will gladly pass it CAPPY this week. Not only did he humble MOOSE by handing him his first loss of the season, he did so in style with a near 40-point drubbing. All of a sudden, auto-draft Cappy is looking pretty stout with 20 point efforts from McFadden, Brandon Marshall, and Tony Gonzalez.

The Bag of Douche Award for Being a Pouch of Water Attached to Some Sort of Squirting Device Used to Clean Lady Business

We have co-winners this week:

- MAUGER claims his award for allowing his bench to outscore his starters. But he was playing me, so I appreciate it.

- SAMU gets his half because I like picking on him, but also for allowing Anquan Boldin and his 3 TDs to line his bench, instead activating WR Mike Williams. Not even the washed-up Mike Williams that the Lions drafted #1 overall back in the day, rather some other, even shittier Mike Williams.

That's all for this week. Perhaps Moose will honor us with his picks at some point? You have to forgive him for forsaking his duties last week; he has a young child. Get on the stick, MOOSE!